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Inside the Volcano (Tiger Troops episode, Thevideotour1's version)
(John Watson and his girlfriend, Mary Morstan are eating in the restaurant The Landmark, in which Sherlock Holmes has infiltrated disguised as a waiter) * Mary: Now then, what did you want to ask me? * John: More wine? * Mary: No, I'm good with water, thanks. Well. * John: Yes, I will. As you know these last couple of years haven't been easy for me. And meeting you....yes, meeting you has been the best fact that possibly have happened. * Mary: I agree. * John: What? * Mary: I agree. I'm the best fact that could have happened to you. I'm sorry. * John: Well, no. It's...um. Then if you'll have me, Mary, could you see your fashion, um...if you'll see your road to...... * Sherlock: (comes up to the table) Sir, I think you will find this vintage exceptionally to your liking. It has all the qualities of the old, with some of the color of the new. * John: No, I'm sorry, not now. Well, please. * Sherlock: Like a gaze from a crowd of strangers suddenly one is aware of staring into the face of an old friend. * John: No, look, seriously, could you just--- (stops in shock as he realizes who the waiter is) * Sherlock: Interesting fact, a tuxedo. Lends distinction to friends and anonymity to waiters. * Mary: John? John, what is this? What? * Sherlock: Well, then. Short version. Not dead. Bit mean, springing it on you like that, I know. Could have given you a heart attack, probably yet will. In my defense, it was very funny. Alright, it's not a great defense. * Mary: Oh, dear, you're- * Sherlock: Yes. * Mary: Oh, my heavens--- * Sherlock: Not quite. * Mary: You died. You jumped off a roof. * Sherlock: No. * Mary: You're dead. * Sherlock: No, I'm quite sure. I checked. Excuse me. (he starts to wipe off the mustache) Does, ah, does yours rub off as well? * Mary: Oh, my heavens. Oh, my heavens. Do you have any idea what you've done? * Sherlock: Alright, John. I'm suddenly realizing I owe you some sort of an apology. * (John hits the table in frustration) * Mary: Alright, John, just keep-- * John: Two years. I thought...I thought...you were dead. Huh. And you let me grieve. Huh? How could you do that? How? * Sherlock: Wait, before you do anything that you might regret, one question. Just warn me ask one question. Are you really going to keep that? * (Pushed over the edge, John tackles Sherlock to the ground. Then the scene cuts to Sherlock, John and Mary in another restaurant, presumably because they are kicked out of the other one) * Sherlock: I calculated that there were thirteen possibilities once I'd invited Moriarty on the roof. I wanted to avoid dying if at all possible. The first scenario involved hurling myself into a parked hospital van filled with body bags. Impossible. The angle was too steep. Secondly, a system of Japanese wrestling-- * John: (interrupts him) You know, for a genius, you can be remarkably thick. * Sherlock: What? * John: I don't care how you faked it. Sherlock. I want to know why. * Sherlock: Why? Because Moriarty had to be stopped. Oh. Why, as in...I see. Yes. Why. That's a little more difficult to explain. * John: I've had all night. * Sherlock: Actually, um, that was mostly Mycroft's idea. * John: Oh, well, this is your brother's plan. * Mary: Oh, well, he would have needed a confidante. * John: But he was the only one? The only one who knew. * Sherlock: A couple of others. It was a very elaborate plan. It had to be. The next of the thirteen possibilities-- * John: Who? Who else knew? Who?! * Sherlock: Molly. * John: Molly! * Mary: John- * Sherlock: Molly Hooper and some of my homeless network and that's all. * John: Alright, alright. Well, just your brother and Molly Hooper and a hundred tramps. * Sherlock: No! Twenty-five at most. * (Infuriated, John launches at Sherlock again. Then the scene cuts to them in a kebab shop) * Sherlock: Seriously, it's not a joke. You're really keeping this? * John: Ah, yes. * Sherlock: You're sure. * John: Mary likes it. * Sherlock: Mm, no, she doesn't. * John: She does so. * Sherlock: She doesn't. * Mary: What? Don't. * John: Oh, brilliant. * Mary: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't know how to warn you. * John: Really, no, this is charming. I've really missed this. (sighs) One word, Sherlock! That is all I would have needed! One word to let me know that you were alive! * Sherlock: I've almost been in contact so many times, but...I concerned that, you know, you might say something indiscreet. * John: What? * Sherlock: You know, let the cat out of the bag. * John: Oh, well, this is my fault?! * (Mary starts laughing) * John: Why am I the only one who thinks this is wrong?! The only one reacting like a human being! * Sherlock: Overreacting. * John: Overreacting! * Mary: John! * John: Overreacting! Then you fake your own death and you waltz in here, large as bloody life, but I'm not supposed to have with that, no. Because Sherlock Holmes thinks it's a perfectly alright fact to do so! * Sherlock: Shut up, John! I don't want everyone knowing I'm yet alive. * John: Oh, where it's yet a secret, is it? * Sherlock: Yes! It's yet a secret. Promise you won't warn anyone. * John: Swear to God! * Sherlock: London is in danger, John. There's an imminent terrorist attack and I need your help. * John: My help? * Sherlock: You have missed this. Admit it. The thrill of the chase. The blood pumping through your veins. Just the two of us against the rest of the world. * (Enraged, John headbutts him. Then the scene cuts to them outside, with Sherlock holding his nose) * Sherlock: I don't understand. I said I'm sorry. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? * Mary: Gosh, you don't know anything about human nature, do you? * Sherlock: Huh...nature? No. Human? No.